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"Jody" was taught to be a respectful person, to be kind and thoughtful. She loved to laugh, visiting with her neighbors in the classroom, much to the teachers' displeasure, and everywhere she went. Until the bullying started. It wasn't directed at her, but she saw the hurt in the other child's eyes when he was bullied. She tended to stand up in defense of the bullied, drawing attention to herself because "when they pick on me, they leave everyone else alone. And I can ignore them."
When she actually experienced bullying and complained to the bully's mother, the woman smiled and assured her, "He's just funning with you."
Jody was not amused.
A physical attack on her was enough to put her on alert and aware at all times so she could sidestep any abuses coming her way. She found things of interest to her. She spent a lot of time with books.
"You should put that book down and go outside and play with your friends," her mother said. But she wouldn't. Her observations of the people around her gave her to understand that she was not good enough, nor would she ever be.
As an adult, Jody has continued to observe the world around her. Sometimes she thinks about a boy she knew in school. At the time she thought he was a bully. But in hindsight she realized that he had taught her to be strong and tough in dealing with the world. A number of years later, when she was struggling with some difficulties in her life, their paths crossed again. He offered friendship and that gave her to know she was worthy of respect and love, just like everyone else.
Self-esteem was an issue for Jody. She felt so beaten down, so worthless at times. Never smart enough. Never pretty enough. Never capable enough. Just, not enough. And it was because of the way she interpreted the events in her life. She preferred to be invisible.
The term is "confidence in one's self-worth, abilities or morals." What you think and what you believe about yourself affects who you are, is the way the Mayo Clinic defines it at the website, which is saying that "how you feel about yourself matters."
What triggers the things that attack your sense of value, of worthiness?
What do you think and believe about you? How much negative self-talk do you have going on? Would you talk down a friend like that? Then why would you be so unkind to yourself? What you think about yourself matters.
WebMD offers information about the signs of low self-esteem. Someone with low self-esteem is sensitive to criticism because it feels like a confirmation that he or she just doesn't measure up, is unacceptable, unable to do anything right. They may withdraw from social activity, preferring to be alone. They don't want to talk about themselves, their lives. (Or is it because they don't know who they are anymore, or what they think or feel?)
In self-defense, they show anger or become aggressive, to protect themselves with a hard, outer shell. They try to help others, but everything is a struggle. Some related problems are depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or substance misuse disorder.
Everyone has the power to change the way they think of and see themselves, what they believe about self. How often do some of us jump to negative conclusions right off the bat? Be kind -- to others and to self. Look at your good qualities. Learn from your mistakes, then ball up all that negativity into your fist and flatten it against the table, releasing it forever.
Be positive. Have hope. And believe you are a valued member of the human race. No bullying necessary.
FRC History Bites: FRC's education department has expanded services consistently during the years. In 2020, as a response to the COVID pandemic the department created and developed its "virtual toolkit" to reach families, school and students online. The staff also launched a "resilience bag" campaign to reach families and children during the pandemic. More than 10,000 families were served in Columbiana and Jefferson counties. The staff also became trainers in suicide prevention awareness, training more than 500 residents on how to question and help a person in need in both counties.
Family Recovery Center has professional staff who are ready to listen when you have no one else to talk to. The goal is for the health and well-being of all. For information about the agency's treatment and education programs, contact FRC at 1010 N. Sixth St., Steubenville; by phone (740) 283-4946; by e-mail at info@familyrecovery.org; or by visiting the website at familyrecovery.org. FRC is funded in part by the Jefferson County Prevention and Recovery Board.
(Brownfield is a publicist with the Family Recovery Center.)