She is an old woman now, but the memory is as sharp in her mind as the day that it happened. She was a sixth-grader, walking home from school. It wasn’t far. She loved school, even if the teacher didn’t seem to like her much as she looked down her long, pointed nose at the girl, trying to humiliate her with “talker” signs on her back. For now, though, she was happy.

When she turned the corner, things happened so fast. She saw her younger brother pinned to the ground by a bunch of boys, one straddled across his middle, her brother’s head between the boy’s hands, beating it against the macadam street like a melon he wanted to break. The boys were so intent on what they were doing they didn’t see her coming. As she ran on saddle-shoed feet, she threw her school books onto the side of the street and went at them with fists flying and the hard soles of her black leather and black suede saddle shoes kicking as hard as she could kick. Boys separated and scattered, rubbing their shins and wherever else she had connected.

“What is the matter with you?” she screamed at them as she helped her brother to his feet. Why did they hate her brother so? There she stood, 11-years-old, realizing that she had to protect her younger siblings and others perceived as weak prey to bullies until they reached the age that they could protect themselves. She put her life on hold for her brothers whom she loved, to keep them safe. She has put her life on hold a lot since then.

There are so many topics within the old woman’s memory: Societal mores, social class, bullying, adverse childhood experiences, anger, hatred, martyrdom … and love. Our friend has carried all of this for all of these years, since she was 11 years old. She and her brothers were raised to respect their elders, live the Golden Rule, be kind to others and to help where they can because “if you look around you can find someone else who is worse off than you are.”

This story is meant to emphasize the lasting effects of bullying and ACEs. To this day, this woman is over-protective of her grandchildren, as she was her children, because she is afraid to trust others with the safety of the people she loves. She thinks she has hidden it well from the children, letting them go to play, keeping a watchful eye on them until they are back with her safe and sound. She is always alert for threats.

But children feel undercurrents, even if they can’t explain, can’t define them, which breeds insecurity because they don’t understand what’s happening or what’s coming around the next corner.

Family Recovery Center has evaluated ACEs and used the results to assess and treat the individual. Something happens between infancy and adulthood to create a lifetime of addictions, abuse and mental health problems. Children learn that adults can’t be trusted, nobody cares about them. They are worthless and don’t belong. And it can stay with them throughout their lifetime, as with our friend and her story.

Come back next week for part two when we will share with you more about adverse childhood experiences that cripple.

Family Recovery Center offers mental health services as well as addiction services. The goal is for the health and well-being of all. For information about the agency’s treatment and education programs, contact the center at 1010 N. Sixth St., Steubenville; by phone at (740) 283-4946; by e-mail at info@familyrecovery.org; or visit the website at familyrecovery.org. FRC is funded in part by the Jefferson County Prevention and Recovery Board.

(Brownfield is a publicist with the Family Recovery Center.)