To the editor:
I sit here and think about the rules set forth recently by the "real" mothers in the movements targeting LGBTQIA+ presentations at the local library. Somehow recognition of a marginalized community causes other communities to feel ostracized by acknowledging that the others exist. Here's a few things that are "truths" to me about the entire movement.
First the solution to all problems seems to be having a Bible at hand. A regular old, common, King James Version (written in English), Christian Bible. Yeah, it's really that simple, according to the rules committee. You can literally use this thing in every situation imaginable. You want some examples? OK, I'm prepared to give you those, knowing they are completely unsolicited and with no citation or facts. They may even be satirical; the Bible doesn't condemn that so here we go.
As a parent we often encounter uncomfortable questions from our kids. Where can you find answers based 2000 years ago and that reinforce your fringe lifestyle? The Bible, that's where? Why teach your children about their bodies and all human experiences when you can simply refer them to a vague or antiquated answer in those old pages? Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
We also suffer a barrage of bad attitude from children and teens alike. They don't understand how to regulate their emotions or they are experiencing natural biological changes. Why bother to help them when you can just throw the Bible at them? Literally, launch that thing. It's massive and often leather bound, get a good aim. You are blessing them with a sports lesson. Hand-eye coordination will blossom.
Emotional issues become a breeze as well when you find the multitude of passages that encourage giving all your problems to the creator. I think you will need to invest a few bags for this but really isn't it a small price to pay for your kids to always be happy? Special note, if they are girls, none of this applies -- their father or husband will have those feelings for them. As long as they are obedient and kind and listen to mother only for lessons, they have no problems. Life is simple for them. The girls need only be sweet.
You may say, how do you get your children into the world safely? What little projects can you do with them? You can carry small Bibles to give homeless and hungry folks and when they read it, they will be filled with salvation, motivation and clarity to become good enough for you to recognize as real people. They will still be hungry and homeless, but you can teach your children that problems just turn to nothing if you think and pray enough. Avert your eyes, for the good of the children.
However, I would appreciate if you look at me when I'm talking to you and I demand your attention because such a narrow view requires precise vision. God is good except when he's not.
Rosie Dennis
Brilliant