I have a three-part theory.
-- High humidity does not promote good marital relations.
-- Grouchy marital relations brought on by high humidity do not facilitate good grocery list making.
-- And substandard grocery list making fueled by testy marital relations precipitated by a high heat index does little to restore husband-and-wife harmony.
And a car without air conditioning doesn't help much either.
It was a hot day Wednesday, the day I wrote this, that's for sure.
We had the high heat advisory and all, but most of the day I was A okee-dough-key.
After all, I was inside what was a pleasantly cool newsroom, not a bead of sweat on my brow and not at all too concerned with what the outdoor thermometer reading was or co-workers' commentary on the forecast they were experiencing in their comings and goings.
Hey, I like summer weather, I thought to myself.
It's supposed to be hot in July.
But by the time I left the office, it became apparent that my cool cucumber demeanor was about to get toasty.
Wednesday was a day to have a car with air conditioning, but I had just the opposite. The car's AC has been out of commission, and I'm too cheap to pay big bucks to have it fixed.
So much for the brow minus sweat, I realized, by the time I got in this steamy sweatbox on wheels to swelter my way from workplace to home front.
You know what car windows rolled down on a hot day deliver? Hot air from the outside to mix with the hot air inside. Lovely.
The more I sweated, the worse my mood got, especially when I realized I should have stopped on the way home to grocery shop but didn't.
Better Half greeted me with it's-hot-out-here enthusiasm, and where's the food anyway? We were Mr. and Mrs. Grumpy, with neither of us too interested in a trip back to town.
No beating the heat in a car for us much less living in an older home these days where the closest thing to central air is an open freezer door in the kitchen offering brief respites when you need ice cubes.
Better Half decided to do a solo to the store, my cue to be the list maker.
It's not a hard job, but I am a vague list maker when it comes to grocery shopping. I'm an aisle-to-aisle see-it, get-it consumer. Not a detail food list person.
So I wrote on my list butter, yogurt, oatmeal, fruit, etc.
That agitated Better Half, but honestly I think anything would have irritated him and me, too, with the heat such as it was.
I tried to be understanding in responding to his curt questions.
Tub or stick.
With granola or not.
Maple or plain.
Kiwi or grapes.
The good news is we have food to eat.
Plus, the weather will improve.
And I think our marriage will withstand the test of temperature as long as we can warm up to the idea.
(Kiaski, a resident of Steubenville, is a staff columnist and features writer for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times and community editor for the Herald-Star. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.)