The time has come once again to vote for president of the United States. If neither candidate has that "something special" that you're looking for, I have a write-in candidate suggestion for you. Who may you ask do I think would be the perfect leader of our great nation? Why, none other than Elvis Presley.
Let me present my case and the case of "Committee to Elect the King" (information taken from an actual book written by the latter and published in 1992.)
There are nine reasons the King should be elected: 1. He's cute; 2. He already has a postage stamp; 3. He has a distinguished military record; 4. He'll bring elegance back to the White House; 5. He'll address reporters as "ma'am"; 6. He knows his way around a supermarket (unlike some of our former presidents); 7. You can be sure he won't bring up things like the line item veto; 8. He hasn't inhaled since 1977; and 9. President Presley is just fun to say.
Yes, you're saying, but he's dead. I see your point, but does that matter? Some living presidents had many a fiasco during their terms. Kennedy has the Bay of Pigs Fiasco. Johnson has the Vietnam fiasco. So, we can call being dead Presley's fiasco.
There is the issue of a first lady for the King. Priscilla Presley is the natural choice, but her current boyfriend presents a problem. Maybe Hillary Clinton or Madonna? Clinton would be more likely to take the reign from Elvis. Madonna, well, she's Madonna, a bit much for the people to see as the first lady. The perfect choice would be Oprah Winfrey. Everyone knows her, she's single and she shares his southern heritage. What more is there?
And what about his running mate? How about Jimmy Hoffa or Dan Quayle? Then again, even if they could find Hoffa, his public appearances would be limited. And while Quayle would never stand a chance at upstaging Elvis, he can't spell and is pretty much spineless. So, his running mate should be Mario Cuomo. Why? He's a Yankee and would get the votes of the Northerners that Elvis can't get. What more of a reason do you need?
Now, you may ask, what would Presley's platform be? He's against high taxes, crime and pollution. He's in favor of education, health, prosperity and world peace.
Let's not forget, he'll need a catchy slogan. Possible slogans for him: "We want Elvis - Dead or Alive!"; "Read my Hips"; "The King for President"; or "Elvis - Now more than ever!"
There is no better candidate than the one and only Elvis Presley. So, when you cast your vote on Tuesday, vote Presley!
But, if you don't see my point of view and don't think he would be the perfect candidate, please vote anyway. Our future is in the hands of each and every one of us.
I want to take a moment to thank police officer Brian Watson who came to my rescue at the gas station in Brilliant on Oct. 23. I locked my keys in my car, and he came to my aid. Thank you, sir.
(Letusick, a resident of Rayland, is copy editor for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times.)