To the editor:
Alert Deion Warwick, Kreskin, Geller and the rest of the Psychic Friends Network. Oh, I'm sorry, they are already awaiting your call.
No, no, sorry once again, you must have already communicated with them telepathically.
I stand in amazement at your super powers. You conservatives are able to read the president's mind and tell the rest of us exactly what he is thinking. You must tell us more about his desire for global domination and destruction, and more about how he detests corporations and how cleverly he has hidden this from the rest of us by having Wall Street profits explode to the highest levels in history.
Thank you so much for enlightening me to his despicable inner thoughts and motivations. I am now on your side. How could I ever have been fooled by this exploiter of the rich and the benevolent corporations that we should all be forever enamored with.
Oh, my goodness, I'm starting to feel the power of the mind myself, now that I've been convinced that yours is the one true way. It's as if a switch went on in my lesser mind. Maybe I can read minds now, too.
Let me give it a shot. Four short years ago, the individual mandate was a conservative idea, championed by Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and other mind readers. They loved this personal responsibility thing. Now that I can also read minds, I can see what you've done here. You've gotten into President Barack Obama's mind and made him do it your way, only to rally against it once he did it your way. Not only can you read minds, you must also control them, too. Very impressive.
Now, just in case you geniuses at the Republican National Committee are thinking that there is some level of sarcasm or satire involved in what I've just written, you just have to know that couldn't possibly be. After all, all you have to do is read my mind.
By the way, even if you can't really read minds, you could just make this stuff up. Couldn't you?