My 3-year-old keeps me on my toes. You never know what he's going to say or do, or both.
We were having breakfast at a restaurant one morning, just he, my husband and myself. There was a rather husky man helping himself to the buffet. My son, very loudly, says, "He's big, Mommy." My husband and I stare at each other not knowing what to say.
Recalling this incident made me think of other things he has said that made me laugh or simply just rendered me speechless.
Little Man: Mommy, do owls sleep at night?
Me: No, they sleep during the day.
LM: That's because they're nocturnal. They hunt for food at night.
LM: How does God hear us pray?
Me: He hears everything; he's sort of magic.
LM: Where is Jesus?
Me: In heaven.
LM: Where's Heaven?
Me: Way up high. You can't see if from here.
LM: Can we get there in a car?
LM: A plane?
LM: I know, Mommy, we can take a rocket.
Me: I don't think we can get there in a rocket.
LM: I think we can.
LM: How was I born?
Me: God thought we needed a baby to love so he put you in my tummy.
LM: How did I get in your tummy?
Me: God's magic, remember?
LM: I know, Mommy. You opened your mouth and he dropped me in.
LM: Mommy is going away.
Grammy (my mother-in-law): Where is she going?
Grammy: Africa? Is she taking you with her?
LM: No, Grammy, they don't allow kids in Africa.
(I had told him I was going to Adena for a chocolate party.)
Me: Come to bed right now or I will drink your milk (he has milk every night at bedtime).
LM: No, Mommy, you can't drink my milk.
Me: I'm going to if you don't get in bed right now.
LM: Silly Mommy, milk is for kids.
LM asked me for help with his video game one day.
LM: Mommy, help me find Mater.
Me: I'm not any good at video games, buddy.
LM: Please, Mommy.
Me: Ok. We'll look for him. Keep your eyes peeled.
Silence. I look at him and he has his hands on his eyes moving them around.
Me: What are you doing?
LM: How do I peel my eyes?
LM: Can I poop outside?
Me: No, you can't poop outside.
LM: But Ben (the dog) does.
Me: That's what dogs do. Little boys go to the potty in the house.
And my personal favorite,
LM: Am I a boy?
Me: Yes, you and Daddy and Ben are all boys. Mommy is a girl.
LM: What makes me a boy?
I explain, without too much detail, the difference between boys and girls.
Later that night...
LM: I have a (insert boy part here), right?
LM: (thinks for a minute) What does Nana have?
Me: Well, Nana is a girl so she has...
He cuts me off and rolls his eyes like I should be following his thought.
LM: No, Mommy, what does Nana drive?
Most of the time I just shake my head. What can you do? He's only 3.
(Letusick, a resident of Rayland, is a copy editor for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times.)