"Christmas is coming."
Once again, Better Half remains the eternal voice of optimism.
This comment erupted the other day, spilling from his lips with volcanic force when I pointed something out.
I was lamenting the fact that my weight loss in recent months has rendered results I'm still discovering as I try on clothes I haven't worn in a while.
Some pants that were previously pretty tight - Barbie doll clothes, as Better Half would call them - are now of the baggy-saggy variety.
His response to my proof-providing impromptu style show was one of his not-to-worry observations.
"Christmas is coming," he said, waving an index finger as if he were making an Einstein revelation.
"Christmas is coming?!!?" sounded my echo.
"Christmas is coming," Better Half reaffirmed, shaking his head in his all-knowing omnipotent way.
"And what might that mean?" I pressed for an explanation, my eyes widening with anticipation, at first thinking the holiday would be a license to buy new clothes - new smaller clothes not of the baggy-saggy variety.
I dismissed that notion rather quickly, however, knowing Better Half comes from the school of thought that new clothes should be purchased with the frequency of say, every presidential election, but only if absolutely necessary.
In his mind, a "new" shirt is when you wear a T-shirt inside out, that it constitutes a change in clothes.
One of his favorite "good" shirts, I razz him about, is a circa 1990 Weirton Community Players T-shirt from when they did the musical production "Oklahoma."
I kid that I know we're going out somewhere special when he wears it because he's "all dressed up."
Honestly, though, if this shirt gets any thinner, it'll lose out on even being a worthy dust rag.
So new clothes are not, in Better Half's estimation, the answer to old clothes that no longer fit well.
That would be too economically advantageous to the local economy and not so economically advantageous to the household budget.
His plan, you see, involves the holidays - the eating part of the Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas season before us.
"You can eat your way back into them," Better Half suggested, savoring the master plan to gain pounds and "lose" the idea for a new wardrobe.
Although that's a tempting option, I think I'll wait.
After all, there's a presidential election coming.
Kiaski, a resident of Steubenville, is a staff columnist for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times and community editor for the Herald-Star. She can be contacted at email@example.com.)