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McElwain For County Coroner

January 26, 2014 - Michael McElwain
Sometimes memories hop from the unconscious and inert side to the more active side of my brain.

(Editor's note: McElwain's brain is approximately 0.00034 percent active and the remainder is taking a nap.)

I remember a few years ago taking a few photographs at an Edison versus Oak Glen football game when an announcement over the public address system got me thinking, which, we all know, is a dangerous proposition.

Anyway, a gentleman running for the elected office of Jefferson County Coroner apparently donated the game ball for the evening raffle and asked for support in the November election.

I got to thinking that it must be tough to campaign for county coroner. Other than trying to comfort family members under difficult circumstances, the county coroner mainly deals with dead folks.

There is no easy way to say that. Being a county coroner seems like it has to be dull.

Unless, of course, you are the greatest coroner, or medical examiner, of all time – Quincy, M.E.

Quincy was, and still is, the best. He solved murders and fought the good fight by day, and hooked up with the ladies by night. Quincy ... the medical examiner with all the babes and a houseboat! By gosh, the man had a houseboat within walking distance to Danny's Bar. Now that's a coroner.

But I digress, and we all know that Quincy ran from 1976 until 1983 on the NBC television network.

It must be tough to run a campaign for county coroner.


Here is one news story that I can envision involving mud slinging:

JEFFERSON COUNTY – County coroner candidate Michael D. McElwain came out with a vicious attack and leveled charges against his rival Monday afternoon. “My opponent has been seen talking to zombies and actually held a meeting with a zombie representative,” McElwain charged. “Let me make this perfectly clear,” McElwain added. “If the citizens were to give me the honor of being the next county coroner, my administration would have a zero-tolerance policy on zombies, the undead and even the half-dead.” McElwain's opponent in the election, Alex Marshall, could not be reached for comment.


Even a campaign slogan for county coroner would be tough.

“Vote for McElwain. He'll make sure you're really dead before officially pronouncing you dead.”

Now before the county coroner association gets after me, let me say I understand that the job is more complex and nuanced than I have admitted. It's a tough job.

But if I see any of you hanging out with a zombie, I will blog about it.

That's a promise.

 
 

Article Comments

(1)
Jun-09-14 10:31 AM

If you were to become County Coroner then I want to move to Steubenville and be Sam

 
 

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The greatest coroner, or medical examiner, of all time – Quincy, M.E.