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Of Chris Christie, New York, Rocky Mountain Highs and Chris Farley for Mayor

November 6, 2013 - Paul Giannamore
Election results hit me this way, and in this order of importance.

1. The Astrodome is dead. Voters in Houston, probably wisely, defeated a public funding measure to turn it into a convention center. Or a garden. Or something. It was kind of the whole “Save the Igloo” thing that went on in Pittsburgh and wisely saw the end of the famed Civic Arena and the restoration of the Hill District to its pre-arena format. Of course, I got to go to the Civic countless times. I never got to see the Astrodome, which saddens me. The place fascinated the heck out of me as a kid. Imagine an air-conditioned domed stadium! And waitresses in skin-tight astronaut outfits. But really, the architecture and science of the whole first domed stadium thing in the middle of the science-fiction 1960s really stuck with the kid version me. So long, old pal. Wish I had seen you in person.

2. Chris Christie. Yes. Chris Christie. A man who knows where the middle of the road is, who the people he needs to help are and who doesn’t consider his personal battle with weight as a preclusion from leadership. Now, if the nation’s conservatives can get over the whole “he hugged Obama and did our man Romney in” thing, we might be looking at the next president of the United States. Or another hand-puppet will rise from the GOP ranks and rankle the party further with another disastrous, and nation damaging, loss. Assuming the nation survives the next three years.

3. Speaking of nation-damaging losses, the most liberal guy I’ve seen in a long time, a guy who made no secret that he’ll tax the rich to feed the poor, won election as New York mayor. Phil de Blasio not my cup of tea, though Bloomberg was no one’s Big Gump o’Cola. And, de Blasio’s name will be a bane to all of us copy editors coast to coast. Small “d.” Space between the “e” and the capital “B.” So, New York will regress to about 1972 in crime and the lack of economic success. And nobody is going to spell this guy’s name correctly. A lose-lose situation.

4. In Colorado, home of the Home Office in Aurora, they are OK with taxing marijuana, which makes sense. If you’re going to have pot bars, they ought to be taxed like liquor. But the voters also turned down a tax to fund education improvements. Too direct, I guess. Maybe they should add six lottery games and a couple casinos every time they want to claim they’re paying for something, like Ohio does.

5. A 30 percent voter turnout means nearly 800 people selected Steubenville’s mayor. 800 people out of somewhere between 12,000 and 15,000 people. Sad. Sad. Sad. But that won’t mean the other 11,200 to 14,200 won’t moan, complain, insult and sit on the sidelines and point for the next four years.

6. This one’s not really election related, but it came out on Election Day, so I figure now is the time and this is the place. Did anyone else think the mayor of Toronto (Not the Hon. John Geddis and not the town north of Steubenville but that other one north of the border) bore a definite resemblance to someone? Specifically, if he’d burst into a blurt of “I Live in a VAN by the RIVER!” or yelled “Schnikeees!” would you have been shocked? Yep. I’m talking Chris Farley here. He looks like Chris Farley. And his answer, “Yah. I smoked crack but only because I was in one of my drunken stupors” seems right out of the late Mr. Farley’s playbook.

Just saying...


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