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Should you put a Glock in the Box in the kids room?

October 24, 2013 - Paul Giannamore
A couple of us in the newsroom heard a guy on the radio the other day talking about personal security, a great topic nowadays given the state of the world.

And somewhere in the morning commute babble on the radio, my ears perked up like my dog hearing a chicken dinner entering the house.

In the event of a home invasion, the expert said, the first place most of us would go is to our children’s rooms to be sure they’re safe. So, why endanger ourselves by then having to leave the room to go get our gun? Just store it in the kid’s room. Logical, if we’re living in Beirut, I suppose. But I’ve read more stories over the years than I can count about the deadly mix of little kids and guns.

The security expert contends that the kids must be taught that even seeing a gun lying around requires them to immediately move away from the gun and tell an adult. My red idiot lights on my mental dashboard lit up so brightly that I didn’t even hear if he was advocating a gun safe or a safety lock in the kid’s room gun. After all, that might take precious seconds for me when I could be shooting at the intruder.

I found myself wondering, does this guy actually have or know any kids?

Because no matter what you teach them, no matter how much we try to bubble wrap them in ways other than leaving our protection weapon hidden in their room, kids will be kids.

My mind went immediately to The Drummer, a kid of fairly good intelligence and pretty good behavior. One day many years ago, when he was 8 or 9, we were out riding bicycles when I noticed his less than a couple months old, bright red and kind of costly BMX helmet had a crack across the top.

“Did you fall? Did you get hit by a car?”

He went into what I call the Human Question Mark pose, a hangdog slump indicative that, no, he hadn’t been hurt or hit by a car. He had done something embarassing and boneheaded for which he didn’t want to hear anything from Dad. (It’s even funnier now when, as a young man in his 20s at 6’1” and he does Human Question Mark. I can’t wait until I’m in my 80s and he’s in his 50s and still doing it! Love ya, son.)

When he was about 8 or 9, he and a couple friends went one day up the street to another friend’s house. The friend wasn’t answering the door. So, The Drummer and his other buddy did what any sane 8- or 9-year-old would do. They took turns putting on the helmet and running full-tilt headfirst into the door until the other kid came outside.

I chewed him out, but I admit now I was laughing inside at the cartoonish spectacle of these boys standing across a long porch, spinning up their wheels like Fred Flinstone and then launching full tilt into the door. In my mind, there was this cartoon racecar sound as they sped across the porch and the word BANG! appeared when they hit the door.

He got punished and never had a nice-looking bike helmet the rest of his youth.

The point is, if I were the personal security guy’s client and had stored a gun in The Drummer’s room, I wouldn’t be here laughing about anything.

I apparently had forgotten the lecture about telling The Drummer that it’s illogical, stupid and potentially neck-breaking to run full-tilt into a door with a bicycle helmet on. Seems a kid might logically figure that one out.

What’s to say any amount of lecturing would have worked when kid and a buddy stumble across Dad’s Glock In The Box? They’re kids.

Think people. Think, please.

 
 

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