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Lamb or bomb? You decide

May 14, 2013 - Paul Giannamore
The War on Tender Cooking is beginning.

Remember, you heard it here first after the bombings in Boston April 15 that it will become harder for adults in the United States to buy pressure cookers, thanks to whoever the idiot(s) was (were) on the Internet who posted the instructions for using the kitchen utensil as a bomb vessel.

On Monday, a Saudi national was detained in Detroit after giving authorities at the airport a changing story as to why he was carrying a pressure cooker. He was bringing it to his nephew at the University of Toledo, he said, because they don’t sell pressure cookers in the United States.

Actually, the nephew said he wanted the cooker to cook lamb and the two pressure cookers he bought in the U.S. were junk. (Does this mean that all foreign kids going overseas to college don't act like American kids at their first Oktoberfest in Germany?)

And when the man carrying the pressure cooker changed his story to match what the nephew said, combined with him using a passport that was missing a page, his goose was cooked. Note, too, that he flew to Detroit via Amsterdam, the same route used as the underwear bomber in 2009. Coincidence? To plagiarize strictly for sarcasm’s sake from FOX (sarcasm being the only reason for plagiarizing FOX or CNN, you righties and lefties should know) we report, you decide.

The man invoked his right to remain silent and as this is being written, his fate in a detention hearing that was scheduled for later on Tuesday was unknown. He could be public enemy No.1, or a schlub who just wanted tender lamb shanks for dinner with his nephew. Depends on what the investigation reveals, and that passport thing is a weird coincidence, too.

Too me, any idiot carrying a pressure cooker in an American airport after Boston probably deserves his fate, terrorist or not. Why anger the security gods?

The American arm of the Chinese manufacturer of the Boston bomb pots issued a statement saying its pots are for cooking, not for bombing.

And, it is possible to Google the words “lamb pressure cooker recipe” and discover a plethora of ways to actually use a pressure cooker to make a good Middle-Eastern dish.

I also note for the Obama Administration, which apparently watches for subversives in the press, that my wife makes Middle-Eastern flavored lamb — though we’re indeed Italian-Americans with uncles who served with valor in World War II — without a pressure cooker. Just being clear here. Italian descent. Heroic American soldier and airman in our lineage. No pressure cookers. OK? And I only Googled that recipe thing for the purpose of this blog. I don't even own a pressure cooker. Really.

Um, back to the original point, which is that, just as Sudafed can be used for actual sinus conditions instead of cooking meth, a pressure cooker can really be used for cooking food. (Oh, Mr. Obama, there is Sudafed in the medicine cabinet in our house, which is near the stove. But my wife has really bad allergies. Really. All right. Hell, I use an AT&T cell phone. Saves your guys from looking too hard.)

Here’s hoping the Saudi guy doesn’t have ties to some shady folks back home in Saudi Arabia, home of the Sept. 11 friends of the United States. Otherwise, buy your pressure cookers now and start selling them on eBay. If you’re really lucky, you’ll be able to do that before the Constitution-ignoring Internet tax gets enacted.

But maybe you didn’t read that here first. Just in case.


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