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Seinfeld Sayings... still a favorite!

July 26, 2010 - Brandi Bowers

With the recent passing of New York Yankees Owner, George Steinbrenner, TBS has been running all the Seinfeld episodes in which he appeared. Seinfeld creator, Larry David, was a huge fan of Steinbrenner & it was his idea to portray him (or at least a slightly exaggerated version of him)  in the series.


So, the other night I was watching the Steinbrenner episode about the calzones, which is just hilarious, & it got me thinking. There are tons of sayings & quotes that we get & still use today from Seinfeld. Not too many shows have this many sayings that are actually used in our everyday lives. Here are the best ones I could think of, but if I'm leaving any out, feel free to add more!


 

George Costanza:

Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.

All right, listen closely, I was at the unemployment office and I told them I was very close to getting a job with Vandelay Industries, and I gave them your phone number. So now, when the phone rings, you have to answer "Vandelay Industries".

It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong.

Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?

Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. 'Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know.

"Sweet fancy Moses"

You're killing independent George.

Yeah. I figured since I was lying about my income for a couple of years, I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons.

George is gettin upset!

The jerk store called and they're running out of YOU.

Nobody is sicker than me. Nobody.

I invented it's not you it's me.

I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.

 


Jerry Seinfeld:

Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I don't trust the guy. I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp.

Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. Death is #2. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.

I don't know if it's possible, but could you people conduct the psychopath convention down the hall?

It's not a purse, it's European.

If you feed him, he'll never leave.

I learned something. Letting my emotions out was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sure, I'm not funny anymore. There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.

1%? They can kiss 1% of my ass.

I think women know about shrinkage.

But I don’t wanna be a pirate.

It's a puffy shirt.

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

She had man hands!

 

Cosmo Kramer:

Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.

Hoochie Mama.

Giddyup.

It's a Festivus miracle!

Well, we're talking to Elaine Benes, adult film star, on the set of her new movie "Elaine Does the Upper West Side".

Hello! & welcome to movie phone.

 

Elaine Benes:

I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.

I DON'T LIKE THIS THING. AND HERE'S WHAT I'M DOING WITH IT.

Here's to those who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell.


You know what, why don't you just shut the hell up?


 
 

 

Additional & Group Quotes:

 

Frank Costanza: But out of that, a new holiday was born. A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST-OF-US.

Frank Costanza: You have the rooster, the hen, and the chicken. The rooster goes with the chicken... So who's having sex with the hen?

Lloyd Braun: Serenity Now, Insanity Later.

George Steinbrenner: So... it's just empty calories and male curiosity, eh, Georgie?

David Puddy: I saw Jerry wearing his. He looked like a bit of a dandy. Check this out. 8 ball. You got a question, you ask the 8 ball.

Soup Nazi: No soup for you. Next!

Sidra: They're real and they're spectacular!

Jackie Chiles: Your face is my case.

Newman: Alright!

Susan: You stuff your sorrys in a sack Mr.



George Costanza: I'll sniff out a deal. I have a sixth sense.
Jerry: Cheapness is not a sense.


Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low.


George Costanza: You don't think she'd yada yada sex?
Elaine: [raising hand] I've yada yada'ed sex.
George Costanza: Really?
Elaine: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.
Jerry: But you yada yada'd over the best part.
Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque.

 

Elaine: Is it possible I'm not attractive as I think I am?
Jerry: Anything's possible.

 

George Costanza: She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on.
Jerry: Ah, too bad you've got a little George Costanza thing goin' on.

 

Estelle Costanza: Well, I'm out there.
George Costanza: No, you're not.
Estelle Costanza: Yes I am.
George Costanza: No, you're not! Because I'm out there, and if I see YOU out there, there's not enough voltage in the universe to electroshock me back into coherence.


Frank Costanza: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
Elaine: You got that right.
Frank Costanza: What the hell does that mean?
Elaine: That means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
Frank Costanza: You saying you want a piece of me?
[hits his chest]
Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.
Frank Costanza: [yelling] You want a piece of me? You got it!

 

Kruger: Hey, George. Merry Christmas. Here you go.
[gives George his gift]
George Costanza: Thank you, sir. Here's your gift.
Kruger: [takes envelope] "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund"?... Whatever.
George Costanza: Exactly.

 

Jerry: Have ya been to the Motor Vehicle Bureau? Its a leper colony there.
Elaine: So, basically what you're saying is 95% of the population is undatable?
Jerry: UNDATABLE.
Elaine: So how are all these people gettin' together?
Jerry: Alcohol.

 

George Costanza: I gotta call Elaine.
Jerry: She's out.
George Costanza: Oh, yeah. The blind date.
Jerry: They call it a setup, now. I guess the blind people don't like being associated with all those losers.

 

George Costanza: You could always move in with my parents.
Elaine: Was that the OPPOSITE of what you were going to say? Or was that your instinct?
George Costanza: Instinct.
Elaine: Stick with the opposite.

Elaine: Who are they running against?
Jerry: Common sense and a guy in a wheelchair.

 

Elaine: You know, just admitting that another man is attractive doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.
George Costanza: Doesn't help.

 

Jerry: Your back hurts because of your wallet. It's huge.
George Costanza: This isn't just my wallet. It's an organizer, a memory and an old friend.
Jerry: Well, your friend is morbidly obese.
George Costanza: Well, at least I don't carry a purse.
Jerry: It's not a purse, it's European.

 

Cosmo Kramer: I bought a chicken.
George Costanza: [to Jerry] Allow me.
[to Kramer]
George Costanza: Why?
Cosmo Kramer: Cage-free farm-fresh eggs.
Jerry: [to George] Allow me.
[to Kramer]
Jerry: What are you, an idiot?

 

Jerry: Are you Master of your Domain?"
George: "I am King of the County. You?"
Jerry: "Lord of the Manor."
Elaine: "I'm Queen of the castle!"

 

 
 

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