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Lasik Eyeoouch!

April 29, 2008 - Paul Giannamore
I've worn glasses since fifth grade, when Miss Fortunato sent the dreaded note home with my parents informing them I was reading testbooks by putting my nose down on my desk.

I've gone through all the eyewear styles, from horn rims to big frameless wire rims and tinted lenses that make me look like a Sopranos reject. I can't get contacts into my eyes. I've tried, the ladies at the optical shop tried, and said I simply am not a contact lens kind of guy.

So, glasses it is.

And I'm convinced that, unless I am required to get eye surgery to make me see, I will never, ever, get Lasik or PRK or any of the other special treatments.

My eyeballs ache thinking about:

1. Cutting a flap in the cornea for a Lasik treatment.

2. Implanting a hard plastic lens through an incision, called "phakic intraocular lenses."

3. Corneal rings. Eyeeeouch! I prefer Doc Sullivan's method of telling me I've got "progressive lenses", not bifocals. Makes me feel high-tech and young.

And it's better than a doctor's sharp laser in the eye.! Can anyone convince me otherwise?


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