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Resistance IS Futile

July 18, 2008 - Paul Giannamore

"I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile."

Those words of Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the starship Enterprise in "Star Trek The Next Generation" came about when a race of fearsome aliens known as The Borg turned him into a cyborg and unleashed him on his crew.

That image of actor Patrick Stewart all done up in machine-headed menace is what I think of everytime I see a person with a Bluetooth-enabled cellphone earpiece in.

Yes, the male half of the Home Office in Aurora, as he reads this, must acknowledge that I have referred to him as my brother-in-law, Locutus of Denver. He wears his earpiece proudly, everywhere. I haven't asked my sister if he wears it to sleep or in the shower. Some things are better left unknown.

So, as I would walk through groceries, into restaurants, into meetings, and see folks with their wireless earpieces in, I would say, generally out loud and to no one in particular, "Resistance is futile."

I vowed I was not self-important enough to get an earpiece.

Until, that is, I started noticing that EVERY call I make just about EVERY day was getting returned, via my cell phone, as soon as I get into my car. Work calls. Calls from The Drummer, The Boss, both Home Offices, the Boss at Work, everyone. I may have actually gone to confession  in a call with a priest over the cell phone while dodging traffic at the Route 7-22-213 split one day. Maybe.

There is no law in Ohio, regardless of what hoax e-mail you have received, regarding cell phones in cars. Local jurisdictions may have rules, but not a statewide law.

Still, it seemed convenient and easier to answer calls in the car by pushing a button on my ear than by fumbling for the phone, answering it after the last ring and then having to retrieve a message and call back the person, all while supposedly driving. I pulled to the berm a lot.

So, I bought an earpiece, a Plantronics, the brand Neil Armstrong supposedly used on the Moon. Cool. It has paid for itself in the ability to make and return calls easily and conveniently. And I only wear it to and from the car. Unless I stop at a store. Or happen to be walking the dog. OK, dang it, I like the thing.

And now, I get razzed by co-workers, The Boss, The Drummer, Ed Looman, name the person.

I am Borg. Pabloutus of Borg. Resistance, as it turns out, IS futile.



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