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Consider unintended consequences

It’s January. Things are slower than molasses running uphill in a snow storm, not just at the office, but at the house, too. The kids had several extra days of vacation courtesy of the polar vortex, and they huddled inside with our zoo, playing video games. And very occasionally doing some chores. When they remembered.

I needed a column idea, so I asked my Sassy Saint, “do you think Faux Redhead can do something adorable or interesting this week?”

Faux Redhead, one of Sass’ marching band friends, always can be counted on to do something interesting. It doesn’t always make sense, but it’s almost always interesting.

“I’ll ask him,” she volunteered.

“Make sure he understands he’s not to do anything that might get him injured or in trouble.”

“OK.”

After she came home, she told me how it went. “I told him he needed to do it by the end of the week. He just laughed.”

I was very concerned by this. “What do you mean?”

“I’m pretty sure it was an evil laugh.”

Now, I was really worried. The last time I’d asked Faux Redhead to do something entertaining for my column, he’d affixed firecrackers all over his trumpet for the Fourth of July parade. We didn’t need a repeat.

“You told him he wasn’t to get hurt?”

“Yes.”

“You told him not to do anything that could get him in trouble?”

“Yes.”

“He understood that it’s not just if he gets caught, he shouldn’t do anything that would get him in trouble?”

“Um.”

“Um?”

“I’m not sure that he understood that.”

This was a disaster. “Text him! Text him right now! Tell him not to do anything before he consults with you!” Despite her abundant sauciness, Sassy has a good head on her shoulders and wouldn’t let the Faux Redhead do anything untoward.

“I’ll tell him tomorrow at school.”

They didn’t have school again for the next four days. I hope he’s uninjured and un-grounded.

We gave the children a new gaming system for Christmas, and the gift was popular. I don’t think I’ve watched television in more than a week, since the children and Long Suffering Husband are so caught up in their games.

However, Fuzz Bucket, our space cadet kitten, has become enchanted with it.

The power button lights up, and it’s very sensitive – in fact, you don’t actually depress it to turn the system on and off, you merely run your finger over it. Of course, Fuzz Bucket bats at the light and turns it on and off in the middle of a game. I find it amusing, but the LSH and the kids don’t.

Jerk Cat, our inquisitive kitten, has decided he also wants to play video games. He sits in front of the television and slaps anything that moves. Again, I find this entertaining, but the LSH and children complain they can’t see what they are doing.

Last night, Fuzz Bucket discovered the top of the gaming system is warm, so he climbed on top of it for a nap. I took him off. He climbed back on again. I took him off. Rinse and repeat.

Finally I laid on the floor in front of the television. Fuzz Bucket chilled on the floor with me. Deciding that Fuzz Bucket finally understood that no, if it is warm, it is not necessarily for sits, I returned to the couch.

Fuzz Bucket curled up on top of the system again. Stupid cat.

(Wallace-Minger, a resident of Weirton, is community editor of The Weirton Daily Times.)

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